17 Years Ago Today

17 years ago today I walked into UAB to have outpatient surgery. Little did I know that Wed morning that I would not be having surgery and I would have a 4 day hospital stay and when I would leave the hospital my life would never be the same. Below is a transcript I wrote for a friend who is running a 10k in San Diego in my honor for the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society. Some of you have asked me to read it so I thought I would let this be my post for today since it is my 17 year anniversary.

My name is Amanda Baker Flynn and I am a CANCER SURVIVOR! My journey actually started when I was 8 yrs old. My mother Jeanette Baker died from Hodgkin's Disease she was only 34 years old. As I sat in a doctors office 17 yrs ago this coming May I just kept telling myself this is not going to happen to me I am to young, I am healthy so I thought, I have a great life, I just turned 21 and I had my whole life in front of me. I had everything planned out to what career I wanted who I would spend my life with and how many children we would have. THEN I heard those words YOU HAVE CANCER not only did I hear I have cancer, but I had Hodgkin's Disease. All I could think about was that is what my mom died from Hodgkin's. I will never forget to this day those words coming out of the surgeons mouth. I went numb, I sat and cried, said words I should not have said I went through every emotion I had in my body. I ask God what had I done to deserve this. I was not a bad person, I went to church, I worked and did what I was suppose to so WHY ME???

I was sitting in a cold hospital room going through the biggest battle of my life and fearing I would die. My family tried to shield me from information on how bad it was. I endured a long surgery only to be sewn up and my family told "it did not look good". I was finally diagnosed with Stage III Hodgkin's Lymphoma and was give less than a 50% chance of survival. When you are hit with something like this you have too options sink or swim, and I chose to swim. Granted I had my moments of pity in a major way, but I picked myself up and I was determined I would beat this. I had surgery on a Thur and on Fri I received 3 pints of blood before I could start chemo. I was terrified of chemo scared to death of what was fixing to happen to me and my body. All I could remember was my mother being very sick every time she had treatments. All I could do was sit and pray. I prayed every hour of the day please God let me live I don't want to die and I don't want to be sick.

I had been raised in church and for the most part had never really had a big absence from church. But when I was diagnosed , I had a hard time trying to figure out WHY ME, why would God allow this to happen to me. I mean does God not know who I am HELLO GOD I am AMANDA this does not happen to Amanda don't you know that. Then and one day I was sitting there questioning WHY ME and I had someone ask me WHY NOT YOU. Wow that was a kick in the gut a hard kick for a poor cancer patient to hear. I could think of a thousand reasons NOT ME, but God had a plan for me and my life. After I was given such a grim chance of living, the power of prayer and God healed me. In only three months of chemo the cancer was gone. Some may say I was to mean to die (ha ha) I say God needed me here on earth more than in Heaven at this time.

I have been able to share my story and faith with others who are going through this battle in hopes to give encouragement and to let them know don't give up keep your faith. It is ok to question God you may never know the "WHY" but when you are faced with a situation and you say "WHY ME" just ask yourself "WHY NOT ME". I have learned so much from having cancer, I can't say that I would not change what happened, but I can say that my faith is stronger and I am a more compassionate person after going through cancer. Whether you are facing a medical crisis or something personal, pray and pray hard don't' let your praying knees get weak.

I know just like in my battle with cancer I have to fight the battle of weigh loss. I know I can do it it is just a matter of believing I can do it. Thank you to everyone who is following me and for the encouraging words.

CRASH AND BURN

What a day it has been. I woke up no feeling good AGAIN. Could barely go. Got ready and went to work. I was still feeling very weak, so I called the doc and they said come in. By the time I got to the doc I could barely put one foot in front of the other. They called me back and the nurse immediately gave me a B-12 shot and instructed me to leave and go straight to McDonald's and get a ice cram cone. My blood sugar had all but bottomed out.

On this diet your intake of sugar is virtually nothing. She said some people tolerate it very well and some people like me hit bottom. SO my diet is going to change a bit for the good. I get to eat fresh green bean which I love I went and raided my in laws pantry today and got fresh canned bean yummm :) When I feel like my sugar is dropping I am to eat an ice Popsicle. I hope this helps with the way I have been feeling.

I will have a load day this weekend where I get to eat again for one day then go back on my diet. I weighed this am and had lost a total of 13lbs, 17lbs since I started this dieting crusade.

Hope everyone has a great Friday. I am going to start working on Fridays in Trussville for 2 friends of mine that opened a practice off Deerfoot. So if you have a toothache or need me to freshen up your grill call McCullough & Stevens dentistry.

HMMMMMMMMM

Well today is day 3. LORD help me, what have I done. I could just about sit here and cry at the way I feel right now and how I let this happen. Growing up I was a skinny petite person. I could eat and eat and never gain weight. THEN I HAD to have cancer and my life has physically sucked ever since.

I know I keep blaming the cancer for being overweight, BUT IT IS CANCER'S FAULT. I know I made the choice to put it in my mouth but the meds made me crave food 24/7 and I was just thinking about surviving rather than gaining weight.

Ok enough of this pity party. I have still struggled today as well. I feel like I have lost the last bit of energy I have left. I have got to try to find some recipes to make things appealing. With so little choices I can have food is becoming a chore for me. It is almost easier just not to eat. I look at food and get sick to my stomach. I know I have to eat to stay alive and to keep loosing. As of this morning I have lost 10LBS. This does make it a bit easier when you see the pounds drop off.

Hope everyone has a goodnight. Please keep me in your prayers.

Oh my what have I gotten into!!!!

Today was hard. I am in a very bad mood right now, so sorry in advance if I say something not so nice, but I want to be honest about this journey. Day 2 has been hard, I have not cheated AT ALL, but it would not be hard to do. The smell of Sam's pizza for supper is about to push me over the edge.

Right now I don't know what is worse being overweight or the way I feel. I read yesterday that I could expect back pain and let me tell you I am having some back pain. I could barely get out of bed. I am no stranger to back issues, but this is different just pure hell. My stomach has hurt off and on all day instead of peeing all day I am well you know.

I am feeling very overwhelmed at the moment. 23 more days of this it has got to get better. Part of me just wants to take a bite of something I know I can't have, but with this diet if I were to cheat what I have accomplished in these short days would be for nothing. This diet is to retrain my brain, it is to get my metabolism back to where it is suppose to be. I wish I could retrain my brain to 1990 I weighed 100lbs soaking wet. I don't want to be 100lbs again I just want to be healthy.

Yesterday I got my test results from some lab work I had on Friday. My doc called and said I am putting you on Lipitor for your cholesterol, I said "WHAT MY TOTAL WAS 176 ANYTHING 100-199 IS NORMAL" Well since he has the MD behind his name and I don't I guess he knows best. I boiled on this all night so I called this am and said please give me one month to do this on my own. Well I won this war for now in one month I will get tested again and if it is high I will go on meds.

Well I have rambled on enough tonight I have an apple calling my name. Stay tuned to see what happens tomorrow.

7.5LBS

Man last night was HARD, I tossed and turned all night long. Woke up this morning and could barely move. I am very sore all over not sure why except if there was any fluid in my body yesterday it is gone today. I have never peed so much in my life not just a sprinkle here and there but a frigging flood.

Well I hope everyone has a good day today I am going to pull myself together and get ready for what I hope is an easy day at work. I have a 2 hour CPR course I have to take today so that should be very boring. Oh well life goes on.

I hope everyone has a GREAT DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Love to you all. Keep praying that I can sustain and keep this up.

OH I ABOUT FORGOT...... HOW MUCH DID I LOOSE YESTERDAY drummmmmmm rolllll.................... 7.5LBS yes you read this right 7.5LBS. OMG I know this will not happen again I am sure but man what a way to start. I will have to increase my fluids today I am very sure of as to not get cramps or dehydrated. BUT YES!!!!!!!

Day one of 500 calorie diet

Well as I started my day off this morning I sprung right up out of the bed. I said to myself I CAN DO THIS. THEN I turned on the TV first commercial Alabama Adventure where the old man and kid are holding a plate piled high of funnel cakes hmmmm good thing I hate those. Next commercial REDI Whip, next commercial Dove Chocolate. OK GOD not the way to start my day here.

I proceed to the kitchen to take my shot and fix my lunch when I open the fridge and see all of the things I cannot have ugh, but I quickly took out what I could have and shut the door and said "take that". I get into the car and turn on the radio and Rick and Bubba begins to tell me I need to call and reserve my ribs from Dreamland. HELLO PEOPLE do they not realize I am on a diet and cannot have this.

I get to work and get busy I look at the clock and it is 11:00 and I am not hungry at all. 12:00 rolls around and I eat my 3oz of chicken and cup of salad. I was actually not full but not feeling like I usually do I felt comfortable :)

I am home from work now and decided I would just step on the scales to peek my curiosity and I was 4LBS lighter than I was this morning huh I thought you were to weigh less in the am than pm, but WOOOOHOOOO I will take that. I am not getting to excited, but that kinda puts a kick in my step :)

I will update tomorrow so stay tuned to see if I am surviving or if I have killed Sam :)

Thank you to everyone for your kind words and encouragement you do not know how much I appreciate each one of you.

My last Load Day

Well tomorrow is the BIG day. I start the 500 calorie diet :( I am anxious and looking forward to it at the same time. Sat and Sunday have been what they call my "load days". On these days you EAT EAT EAT.

My weight loss journey did not just start now I have tried for a long time, but was never just really serious about it till now. I am determined to loose the weight I put on when going through chemo. I know it has been 17 yrs since I had cancer, but that was when I gained the weight so it is time to get it off.

For the next 26 days I will be eating only 500 calories and taking a daily shot. I can only have certain foods on the diet. I can not stray off the diet at all, so I guess I will not be going on any lunch dates for a bit, so if you call and ask and I decline please do not get your feelings hurt I just can't go and eat out.

I covet your prayers as I take on this journey this will be HARD, but I am committed to doing this. I will try to update daily as to my day and how it is going. I may be a bit crabby at first so please forgive me. So lets get started with this journey.......HERE WE GO!!!!!!!!!!!!